Comedy, Bar Mitzvah & Football....What a Combination?

Comedy
I finally got to have some shows locally. I got booked last weekend at the Joke Joint outside of the Mall of America in Bloomington, MN as the headliner. Shows went from Thursday night to Saturday night with two shows on Saturday night. I also got a show Sunday night in Excelsior, MN off of Lake Minnetonka and a Bar Mitzvah before the Saturday shows. More on that later.

The Joke Joint was a lot of fun, as expected. It is a wonderful club that really took the next step when they remodeled to create more space and symmetry to the club. It is run Ken and Becky Reed who are super nice people and very accommodating. The Feature act was Amber Preston who I have known since shortly after I moved out here. She is a very funny, original comic who has really improved a ton since I last saw her (not that she was no good before, she has become very good now). We also had some guest spots throughout the weekend and rotating hosts who were brand spanking new. The hosts were very nice, but also very green. New comics typically seem a bit scared on stage, and they were no exception to the rule. But both had a good basis of material and if they keep getting up on stage, they will be fine.

The toughest show was probably the Thursday Night show. I felt sick as a dog that night. For some reason, I had a 24 hour bug that I could not shake until the next day. I was miserable at work all day, but since I was so busy I could not take the day off so I had to brave through it and then head to the show. You could tell that the crowd was a little tired or just not in the mood because they really did not give the other comics much of a chance. It didn’t help that the crowd was small (about 20 people), but that is expected with summer shows on a weeknight. Even though I felt sick as heck and they were a timid crowd, the set went OK. It was far from great, but it wasn’t bad. I would have liked it to have been a better set, but I can’t complain too much considering the circumstances. I think overall, the smaller crowd had fun but I expect more from myself. I was worrying after the show that Ken was thinking, “Why did I let him headline?” Fortunately the other nights were better.

Friday was a fun night. A lot of my co-workers at my day job came out to see me which was great to see. There were even some co-workers who I thought would never come to show of mine there. Friday was also fun because Holly came out with a couple of her friends. All the comics did a fine job getting the show going with Amber just rocking. She really had a wonderful set. I came up and the crowd was all warmed up and ready to go. It was a blast because they had a lot of energy and I was just able to feed off of it. I may have come up with a little too much energy because the sound apparently had to be turned down and it messed me up because I thought the mike went out. There was a bachelorette party sitting up front in the middle of the room and they got a little nutty (like all bachelorette parties do). Typically, when comics see a bachelorette party, they think “Oh shit, they are going to screw up the show by being obnoxious.” A lot of times, they do. This one was on the fence. I was able to get some interaction with them that was funny. I even had one of the girls yell out 15 minutes in “Are you married?” which was odd because I had spoken about my wife often during the first 15 minutes. The only one that just got a bit old was the bride’s aunt. She would not shut the hell up. She was not heckling, but she thought she could be a part of the show. Even when you put her in her place, she thought it was fun and the crowd loves to see the comic put down some 55 year old over-tanned women who stinks of cigarettes. Besides the old woman occasionally barking out nonsense, it was a really funny set and it was cool to have co-workers and Holly’s friends there to see it. It is always fun to have people look at you after the show with a bit of surprise at how funny you can be. I think a lot of them get used to seeing me in a work environment and don’t know that I am capable to turn it on for a show. I wish I got to hang out more with people after the show, but we try and sell T-shirts and crowd members come and talk to us after the show. By the time people started to leave us alone, Holly’s friends were ready to leave and a bunch of the co-workers had taken off.

Saturday’s shows at the Joke Joint were a lot of fun as well. There were a fair amount of people I knew in the crowd for the early show as well, but not as much as Friday night’s. The early show was a lot of fun and I was very pleased with the performance. The later show was a harder crowd. They seemed to be on and off for the other comics and it was similar for me. They seemed to love me one second, then the next just OK. I am used to late shows being a bit more rowdy as they are typically drunker, but this one was a bit tepid. After the show, a couple of us hung in the bar and that was pretty fun. Overall, the weekend at the Joke Joint was great and a lot of fun and I can’t wait to go back. I have already had people who could not make it ask me when I am there next. Hopefully sometime in the winter I can be back to headline again.

Bar Mitzvah
The interesting show of the weekend was the Bar Mitzvah I was hired for before the shows on Saturday. It was booked through Ken at the Joke Joint and it involved Amber and me. She was to do 10 minutes and I was to do 20 minutes. We were going to be pressed for time as the show was supposed to start at 6:30 to 6:45 and the show at the Joke Joint (30 minutes away) started at 7:30. I showed up at the Bar Mitzvah at 6:00 and it was empty except for the mother and a few stragglers. As people were coming in, the “man of honor” was outside with his friends and brother smashing cans of soda on the ground near the entry way. He was also dressed in a T-shirt and crappy pants and sneakers. I was under the impression that Bar Mitzvahs were a pretty big deal, but this kid did not dress the part. Not even khaki’s and a polo shirt. Eventually people came in just in enough time for the show. People really did not have a chance to be situated or have a drink or two (for the adults) before the show started.

I knew it was going to be a tough start when they introduced Amber as the “warm up” act to the comic. Ouch, what a brutal intro to give her. It completely minimizes her ability and gives the audience and out to not give her a chance. Amber did fine and fought through it even though the “man of honors” table was talking throughout her set. She eventually wrapped up her set and took off for the Joke Joint.

My set was OK. It was not near as bad as it could have been but it was not an “A” show either but it was decent. Once you realize that you need to ignore the kids at the front table and concentrate on the adults it was fine and they were willing to laugh. The kids at the front table though, oh my GOD! They gave me a great example of how I don’t want Quinlan to act when he is older. Not all the kids were bad; it was actually just 3 of the boys, including the “man of honor” who acted up. The one that the party was for would like to brag during the show that he likes to “blow things up” and hopes to continue to do that when he grows up. He made it a point to say this a few times during my set and Amber’s. There was also a smaller kid (may have been his brother) who would start talking out loud about stuff that made no sense. In the end, it was a fun time except for the kids. I can’t believe that I have a Bar Mitzvah on my comedy resume now. Big things are ahead, I am hoping to make perform at a Baptism in the near future. Maybe even a funeral.

Football
Football is right around the corner. It is hard to believe. I am both excited and sad because I love football but it also means that summer is almost over. Football feels even closer than normal because we had our draft in the Waltham Goofs league this past Wednesday night. This is a keeper league that is entering its 11th year that I have run the whole time. Since the first year, we have had all the same people in the league. Unfortunately, we lost of them this year. My friend Jay bailed on the league last minute because we were going to implement two more people into the league. We ended up going back to an 8 team league after his quitting and replaced Jay with another guy named Jay so it is easy to keep track of. There are rumors that another guy will leave at the end of the year, so we may be looking for more players and that may be the reason to go to ten people. It is a shame to see one of the original guys leave the league because this has been my link to the college buddies back east since I moved to WI. If I had to choose one of the guys to leave, it definitely would not have been Jay. Such is the life of grown up men who play make-believe football games.

I kind of dig my team after the draft. I kept Adrian Peterson, Tony Romo and Calvin Johnson (I took Calvin over Brandon Jacobs, Laurence Maroney and Greg Jennings). Here is my final roster to start the season:

QB – Tony Romo

QB – Matt Hasselbeck

RB – Adrian Peterson

RB – Joseph Addai

RB – Larry Johnson

RB – Brandon Jacobs

RB – Chris Johnson

WR – Torry Holt

WR – Chad Johnson

WR – Calvin Johnson

WR – Donald Driver

TE – Chris Cooley

TE – Vernon Davis

Kicker – Shayne Graham

Kicker – Phil Dawson

Defense – Green Bay Packers

Defense – New York Giants

Considering it is an 8 team league where we can keep three players (with some rules on keepers), I think it is a pretty nice team. I had the #2 pick where I had the choice of Brian Westbrook and Joseph Addai. I could not decide and I was leaning towards Wetsbrook. I ended up making a deal that would allow me to move from the 3rd round to the 2nd round if I went back to the #3 pick. I made it and ended up with Larry Johnson in the 2nd. So my trade essentially made it so I traded Brian Westbrook for Joseph Addai and Larry Johnson. Seems like a favorable deal although Larry Johnson is a one man show in KC for better or for worse. In the end, it is just a guessing game who has the best team.

Summer Update

Comedy

Two weeks ago, I traveled the furthest west for comedy than I ever have. I performed on Tuesday night in Dickinson, ND; Wednesday night in Williston, ND; Thursday night in Bismarck, ND and finished off Friday in Saint Cloud, MN. A lot of comics do the road thing and drive a lot; since I do it part time I don’t drive as far and as often as some of the other guys. I had never been in the car for 8 hours to get to a show before. That is what I did in order to get to Dickinson, ND on Tuesday. I ended up burning 3 days of vacation (I had summer hours on that Friday) in order to make the run.

I had never done the run before because the pay was not worth it to do it as a Feature but I recently started asking the booker to headline me and they agreed to “co-headline” me for this run. Co-headline pretty much means that there are two headliners and we alternate which nights we go last. I ended up headlining Dickinson (the first night) and Saint Cloud (the last night). The most fortunate thing about the trip was that I did with a guy who was a good guy and easy to talk to in the car. I worked with a comic from Ohio names Steve Sabo. Quality guy and quality comic. He has been headlining for several years and I was a little worried that the other guy would get pissy if he had to go first, but Steve did not mind at all and he was very helpful. If I hadn’t driven with him and I was by myself, I think I would have pulled over and some point, put the car in neutral on a hill and lay my head behind the tire. That is a boring drive. There is practically nothing in North Dakota. The only cool thing was driving through the Theodore Roosevelt National Park between Dickinson and Williston. That was beautiful and it was like a mini-Grand Canyon. I wish we pulled over for a bit and checked it out. We ended up just driving through. Besides that though, there is nothing to see. It is farm after farm after farm. There are barely any other cars on the road. I just don’t get how people can live there all year round, especially in the winter where it is colder than it is in Minnesota.

The first night was Dickinson. I headlined it and I was nervous because typically the first night is a night that I might shake out some of the cobwebs, especially in a state that is not Minnesota or Wisconsin. So much of my act is geared around MN/WI, that sometimes I forget how to tell it in another state and the first show can consist of me playing around with my act trying to figure out the right way to tweak. After that I am usually cool. The show was in a hotel bar and there was no stage. We were basically in the corner with a microphone right by the pool tables (fortunately, no one was playing at the time). The crowd was packed but very talkative and drunk. Yes, it was Tuesday and they were drunk. Where else in the world do people get smashed on a Tuesday Night? It was still pretty fun and we both did well, but it felt like it could have been better.

The next night we went to Williston. Williston is only like 30 miles from the Montana border. Are you kidding me? You know it is bad when we stop at a convenience store and Steve asks the girl behind the counter if they have the USA Today and they never heard of it. Apparently North Dakota is no longer in the US. Who’d have thunk it? Williston was another place filled with people getting smashed. Yep, they get smashed on Wednesday nights, too. Stay classy, North Dakota. It was a weird set-up in that there was a stripper pole at the very edge of the stage. The crowd liked to participate, not heckle, but they were fun and we had a good time with some ad-libs. The staff and owner were super nice and the people in the place were very nice as well, even though there were a ton of people who I could not shake after the show. The people who are smashed and can’t stop talking to you. Usually they have a joke for you to “tell in your act” or they give me advice. In the end, they mean well and are nice, so I try to bear with it as long as I can.

Steve made an almost fatal error that night. While on stage, he asked for a shot on stage which personally I think is a kiss of death in Williston. It almost was the death of him as someone sent up a cup of Jagermeister. Not a shot, an 8+ ounce cup of Jager. OUCH!!!! I like Jager, but I would never take a cup of it. Steve drank it at the end of his set and I have to give him credit, he stayed vertical. I thought I would be baby-sitting him the rest of the night, but he did OK. He was smashed and blacked out, but he was not out of control, which was nice.

Probably the most interesting thing that happened up there was that I ran into a former co-worker from my current job. I was standing there and a guy came up and said, “Remember me?” I didn’t and I usually get a little nervous around this time. I am scared that the next sentence will begin with, “Last time I saw you, you were so trashed……” Fortunately, it wasn’t that and he said we used to work together. I ended up remembering him. I didn’t know him well at my job, but I still thought it was neat that I ran into someone in the middle of nowhere (where USA Today does not exist).

The next night was in Bismarck which is the Capital of North Dakota, which is really not something to brag about. The show that night was fun despite it being a very small crowd (about 20 people). There was some fun interaction with the crowd. There was actually an Iraqi guy in the crowd who works at the airport. Only in North Dakota. Steve wanted to get together with a girl after the show, so we went with her and some of her old friends at some local bar. I don’t think I have ever been a bar with more dooshbags than this place. It seemed like every guy either had a hat on backwards, hat on crooked, hat with the flat brim or sunglasses on. Every guy in the place was embarrassingly trashy. They all also were wearing shirts that were too tight. I will give the retards credit; they did not break out into a fight (which I thought was inevitable).

The final night was in Saint Cloud which was fun as it always is. I should have stayed there because there were two friends who I could have hung out with. I kind of felt bad that I didn’t, but at this point I was dying to be home and see my little buddy in the morning.

The following week (this past one), I worked one night with Richie Holliday and Andy Woodhull at the Carver County Fair. It was a very tough set-up in that it was in a huge shed where more than half the people are there to drink and wait for the country band to go up after us. There was a ton of noise in the shed from people talking in the back and with the sides open, you could hear all the noise from the rest of the fair. The sound system was not the best either and add in the fact that there were some little kids in the area, it made for a tough time to perform. In the end, it ended up being a lot of fun and I was glad that I did it. Plus it was fun to drive with the guys and talk a little shop.

Quinlan

Quinlan is getting bigger and faster by the day. He can run around very fast now and when we are out and about, he needs to be in your eye site at all times or he is gone. When he is walking outside though, do not try and pick him up or steer him in a particular direction because he is so focused on where he is going, he does not want to be stopped. His bottom two teeth still have not come in, so he is insanely cute when he smiles. He is not talking still, but he babbles a ton and makes a lot of funny sounds. He has even become a great dancer. If you want to get a good laugh check out his dance moves in this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyFrU673Hvc

He just started doing this out of nowhere when I was trying to study and it was hysterical. Fortunately, he was willing to do it long enough for us to record. I can’t wait to be able to share this with him when he gets older.

He got to walk around the Pierce County Fair twice this weekend, Thursday Night and Sunday Afternoon. Both days, he could only handle being in the carriage or our arms for about 30 minutes, then he had to run around. He ran all over the place and almost trip up a bunch of crapper busting fatties. The fair brings out some of the largest, trashiest people I have ever seen. It is also a great place for teenagers to sneak cigarettes apparently.






























Manny

Good riddance to this clown. The Red Sox traded him last month along with some cash and two younger players (Hansen and Moss) for Jason Bay. I think Bay is a fine player and should fit in well with the Sox, but what a way for Manny to go out. He fakes an injury and then trashes the Red Sox the week of the trading deadline creating his trade value to plummet because everyone knew the Sox HAD to get rid of him. This retard says that the Red Sox did not treat him fairly. He has made over $150 million dollars from the Sox and he is mistreated???? I wish I could be punished by the Red Sox, I hate having it so easy.

I defended him over the years, now I root for him to get kidnapped and raped on a vacation in Ecuador. Screw him and I hope he tears an ACL. God, I hate these players who piss and moan and act like overgrown babies. At least I got the Patriots to look forward to. I got my subscription to the Sunday Ticket and I plan on watching all the games (well except for the ones that interfere with the niece’s birthday parties because they are always held on Sunday afternoons).

The Patriots will be back to the Big Game. You heard it here first.


Wedding in St. Paul

I was stuck going to Holly's cousin's wedding. It was cool that it was at the Science Museum in St. Paul, but I hate going there where I don't know many people. Hey, but we looked good though!

Dark Knight

I got to see The Dark Knight on opening weekend. What a fun, solid movie. Heath Ledger lived up to all the hype and blew me away (no pun intended to Mr. Brokeback Mountain). He easily outdid Nicholson and should get nominated for the Oscar. He will probably win it due, in part, to his untimely death. I look forward to seeing it again because I think I missed some things and I am sure I will appreciate the movie more. The only criticism I have is that it was a little long and it is dumb when Batman/Bruce Wayne talks to Morgan Freeman’s character with the Batman voice when he is dressed up as Batman. He knows he is Batman, why do the dumb voice? I wish Freeman’s character would yell at him and tell him to knock that shit off.

I know there is more to share, but I keep forgetting what I want to talk about. I need to do this more regularly, but I keep forgetting or I get too lazy. I’ll see what I can do as the year goes on.

By the way, Jay Cormier sucks.