Trip to Europe

In January, I went to Europe for a week for my day job. I hate saying the word “day job” because it minimizes what I do for a living. Even though the main purpose for this blog is for my “comedy” site, I have to recognize that comedy is not my main source of income. Comedy is not what allows me to own a house, save for retirement and have my wife raise my child at home. My “day job” is my main priority when it comes to working, comedy is secondary, but that does not stop me from still doing all that I can to achieve the perfect balance of the two (which I think I do quite well).

Though a lot of people do not get to do cool things at their job, I am sometimes fortunate to be able to travel (which I actually like). I know a lot of people hate to travel and rarely do you have any time (or energy) to enjoy where you are at, but I still kind of enjoy it even though it can be a bit of a whirlwind. They only thing I don’t like is being away from Holly and Quinlan for a week, but it does not happen all THAT much so it is OK.

I would like to use this space to make some observations of what I saw in Europe without divulging any details of my day job activities:

Amsterdam

A co-worker and I left on Saturday evening on a direct flight to Amsterdam. I know that a lot of people will say “Ooooooh” at the mere mention of Amsterdam as it has quite a reputation. To be honest, all the things that make people say “oooooh” about it are the kind of things that should make a college kid say that. Not a 35 year old man.

We landed at around 11:30 a.m. local time on Sunday morning. The key to traveling to Europe is to stay awake your first day over there. We found our hotel and planned to drop our bags off and walk around all afternoon. Since we were not allowed to check in, we left the bags and checked out the sites. At first glance, it seemed like any old European city. Older buildings, a little dirty, small cars, LOTS of bicycles and a fair amount of graffiti (the graffiti is something that seems to be more prevalent over than here). We do have it in our bigger cities, especially in the “less than desirable” areas, but it seems to be more in the open out there in places that are not that bad.

Our first goal was to find a place to get a coffee so we can stay awake. We walk a few blocks from our hotel and look for signs for a coffee shop. We find an alleyway that has a sign leading to a “coffee shop.” We find it and we walk in. The first odd thing we notice is that we need to walk downstairs to get to it (when was the time you went into a basement to get a cup of coffee?). As we get to the bottom, the smell in the air changes and I see a glassed in area where there are a bunch of people sparking up. Then I look to the right and see a bar-like area with a bunch of jars with various marijuana buds in them, apparently there are 10+ types of pot you can buy (I didn’t know that many existed). We turned right around and scurried out of the bar for fear that our clothes would smell like pot and we did not want that smell getting onto our clothes in our suitcase and setting the dogs wild in the airport. We then spent the next 20 minutes going to “coffee shops” to find out that they do not sell coffee at any of these places. We eventually found a place called the “Coffee Company” that actually sold coffee and espresso drinks. So a word to the wise for those of you heading to Amsterdam, if you want a coffee look for “companies” and not “shops.”

These coffee shops were everywhere! It seemed like every corner had one, or the regular looking bars had an area on another level where people could go to smoke pot. Usually you could smell it at various intervals out on the street walking around. The funny thing about these places is that when you saw people going in or out of the shops, you were never surprised on what they looked like. If you were to close your eyes and imagine the stereotypical potheads, you would imagine all the people we saw walking in and out of these places. Never did we see someone in a suit, or a clean cut hairdo, or a pierceless face.

We also checked out the red light district while we were there. Our curiosity got the best of us, I have to admit. Fortunately, since it was Sunday afternoon, it was pretty quiet (I had heard that it can get pretty mental on a weekend night). I had heard that the prostitutes are all on one street and there are behind a glass window of a townhouse. If you wanted one, you could just walk into the adjacent door and do whatever they had on the menu. We walk down the street and it looks like just any other street, nothing special. We walk a little ways without seeing anything and I was just chitchatting with my co-worker. Then I got startled because there was a loud knocking sound next to my left ear. I jumped a little and looked and there was one of the famous windows I had heard about. But behind the window was not a pretty little lady. It was a 50+ year old woman who looked she had been through hell and back. She was showing a little of her saggy cleavage, trying to stand in a seductive pose and doing the “come here” gesture with her finger. I felt like I was at Valley Scare during Halloween. She was hideous and this was the window that was supposed to be your “warm up” for the rest of the street. The next several windows we saw were not all that much better. We could not help but wonder what kind of human being would be willing to go to the other side of the window. Maybe someone who spent all morning in a coffee shop. It is still debatable on whether the last window we saw had an attractive woman or not in it. I think we may have fallen in to the trap of her being “Sunday Afternoon Amsterdam Hot.” Anywhere else and she is not attractive, after seeing the hideous carnival or whores before her, she seemed OK.

Sex is much more open in Amsterdam too. It seemed that all the stores were closed (apparently, they are respectful to the religious folks seeing that it is day of Sabbath). It didn’t matter though because the sex shops have everything right out in the window that they offer. There was no dark glass or censored items in the window, the most hardcore stuff they had to offer were right there in the window. We saw 6 inch wide dildos. Yes, that is right they were not 6 inches LONG, they were 6 inches WIDE. I have no clue what kind of human could handle this. It actually frightened me quite a bit. So much that I had a nightmare later that night that a giant dildo was coming to kill me. The other highlight of the windows was the life sized rubber fist. All I could think of was the joke by Doug Stanhope about these; “is this so you can fist yourself and still have the ability to defend yourself in a fight.” What an awful sight, I almost wished I didn’t see it. Though, I did catch myself wondering if a visitor ever bought one and then got caught with it at the airport. I would pay big money to be behind this person in the security line listening to him/her describe what it is and why they have it with them.

I don’t even want to describe what the video stores had in their windows. Let me just put it this way, think of the most wrong possible sexual act you could see on video…..I bet it was right there in the window for sale. Again, I saw things that will take a while to get out of my brain.

The best sales pitch that I ever heard though was in the Red Light District. Out there, they have live sex shows. You pay money to go watch other people have sex in person. That sure does not sound appealing to me, especially with the saggy wildebeests we saw in the windows. So we would walk by them without much of a glance. The last one we walked by though had some aggressive salesmen out front. There were three guys acting like carnies trying to get us to come into the place. Saying things like “Hey, we have a great show,” “you have to see this, it is fantastic,” “we can cut you a great deal,” and “you don’t know what you are missing.” Of course, none of this worked and we continued to walk by without giving them any attention. The last guy though was absolutely flabbergasted that we were not interested in watching other chubby people have sex. As we are about to clear the front of the entranceway, he just yells out in amazement, “Guys, there’s live fucking going on in here!!” As if we were going to walk around and go, “Oh, well since you put it that way, I guess we will check it out.” After the guy yelled it out to us, my co-worker just looks at me and says, “That is easily the best sales pitch I have ever heard.” It was the theme of the week for us. Anytime someone tried to sell us something, we would just look at each other and say, “But there’s live fucking here.”

Out of all the weird things I saw there, I saved the worst thing for the end of the night. We found a bar that had satellite broadcasts of virtually every major sporting event in the world. We had dinner and watched the Patriots playoff game with a table of people from Baltimore at the table next to us. I don’t want to get into Patriots talk right now (the wound is still fresh), but I can say that I probably would have rather been beaten by the rubber fist than to watch that awful display by my Patriots.

The hotel we stayed in was pretty questionable. My room was no bigger than my office at work and the shower head was literally right in front of the toilet. I am not lying when I say that you could shower and shit at the same time. I guess they are all about efficiency in Amsterdam. They also had people coming in at one in the morning screaming and yelling, I guess people still party on Sunday Nights out there.

In the end, Amsterdam was neat to see but I would not want to spend an extended period of time there. Not my scene, although the canals could be pretty during the summer……maybe the whores are too.

Belgium

The next day we drove down to Belgium. The one thing that stood out in Belgium was all of the speed cameras they had on the roads. It seemed like you could not go more than a few miles without seeing a speed camera. This is where they measure how fast you are going and then can mail you a $200 ticket if you exceed the relatively low speed limit. There is no need to hire a cop or worry about only fining a few speeders. Belgium is able to fine ALL the speeders, not just a selective bunch. It also eliminates the ability to pay for a cop to sit on the side of the road. What better way to make sure you can tax more of your citizens indirectly with more efficiency? What is tough is that there is no tolerance at all. So what if you always drive safe, but one day you space out and go 45 in a 40 zone? Tough cookies, you get nailed for a $200 ticket. No chance of a cop giving you a break, you are paying the fine whether you agree with it or not.

This stuff kind of scares me because I could see it being used over here. I realized it when I mentioned it to someone in Europe and their response was, “Yes, but it is a wonderful source of revenue.” That was his excuse for it being OK; it creates more money for the government. Seeing as how we as a country (both at the Federal and the local level) can’t seem to keep our spending below the amount of money we bring in they will need to get creative on how they can get more money from the citizens. What better way to do it and it will be supported by the people who think they never speed (even though everyone slips up once in a while)? Maybe they can reduce the speed limits if they are not bringing in enough money. It is just a slippery slope to enter into. It is also annoying because there are so many roads out there that have a speed limit to low. If you have ever drive from Minneapolis to Fargo, you will know that there is no reason for there being a speed limit on those roads. They are empty and mostly straight and BORING.

The cool thing in Belgium was the real Belgium waffles in Brussels. Not the ones in an American hotel lobby. We ordered on that was from a window at the side of a building (you could not order one “for here”; they were all “to go.” Absolutely amazing and I can’t wait to try one again.

The interesting thing about Brussels is how much pride they have for a little boy peeing in public. They have a fountain in downtown of a kid peeing. This one statue of a kid peeing is a souvenir phenomenon. All the souvenir shops sell little figurines that you could buy. I was trying to find something to bring back to Quinlan, but I could not imagine bringing this back in my luggage and getting caught in customs by someone who is not aware of this statue. How creepy would it be to find a guy with a statue of a little boy holding his junk? That is something from the extras in the To Catch a Predator’s Greatest Hits DVD.

One last funny thing we had to do twice in Belgium. We had to pay to take a leak; once in a semi-nice restaurant/bar and the other in the train station. Is Belgium hurting that much for cash that they need to squeeze people for speeding and peeing? How can you flaunt your peeing boy in town center, but make you pay to pee yourself? Why can a 5 year old pee 24 hours a day in public, but I have to pay a Euro to pee inside? Strange company.

Germany

We took a high speed to Germany. I had never been on one of those. They were kind of cool because you are going up to 120 mph. It doesn’t really feel like you are going all that fast and it is pretty smooth. It is also cool to see the countryside which is pretty. We did see the European versions of trailer parks. To be honest, they make trailer parks look like gated communities. They are unbelievably small and crappy. Really amazing to see people living like that and it makes me think that poor people (and really anyone else) in America do not really know what it is like to be poor in another country. There are people in the States with larger bathrooms than these whole shacks were.

The first city we visited was Mannheim. Very unimpressive of a city. It was pretty industrial and not much “cool stuff” to see, not that we really had any time to see anything because the train shows up at 7 at night. We went out to see if we could get a bite to eat of “traditional German food.” As we are walking down their main road, there are all kinds of typical stores along the road. There is a pharmacy, clothing store, convenience store, restaurant, etc. We end up walking by a sex shop, right in the middle of all the normal stores, and this is what they have right in the window:

Yep, that my friends is a Dog Gimp mask. Did any of you know that these even existed? Now, I have not ventured into the S&M world (maybe that will change when I get into my 50’s), but who would this be for? Has the traditional gimp mask gone so far out of style that we need to bring the doggy version of it? How different would have that basement scene been in Pulp Fiction been had the dude in the chest come out wearing one of these? That may have been more disturbing than what Zed was doing to poor Marcellus Wallace on the other side of the door……..alright, may not “more” disturbing but in the ball park. I can’t even imagine how you propose this to your partner. Can you imagine thinking that you have met the love of your life, you think you could spend the rest of your life with this person and they yank this from under the bed and ask you to try it out. How do you not launch yourself out of the window right then and there? The one thing that I do love about this mask though is it is a weapon for me down the road for when a German makes it sound like us Americans are dumb, ignorant sub humans. I can show them this picture and say, “Yeah, you have these in your store fronts on your main street. Eat that, you pervs!!!”

The rest of my trip to Germany was not all that exciting. We went to Gottingen where we had dinner and then got walked around the town later that evening. Very nice city with a ton of history……but something happened to me. Something in the city made me go back to my hotel room and puke and crap my eyeballs out all night. What a wonderful thing to do in a foreign county. It was so bad; I had to blow off my meeting the next day due to my inability to even hold down water and being totally dehydrated. I really do not think I have puked in over 10 years. The good thing was it only last that night and morning, it went away and I was able to eat a half a burger later that night without incident. The tough thing was watching the other guys with me have a beer, it made me want to yak again.

I was pretty fired up to head home the next day. I wanted to get something for Quinlan in the Frankfurt airport (as I had no time to get something anywhere else). I knew I would get raped on the price of something, but whatever it is nice to have something from another country for him. After we went through the security check point, I went to the Duty Free shop right by the gate. They had a cute snow globe that said Germany on it. It was 10 Euros ($15), so it was grossly overpriced, but what the heck.

I walk to the gate to get onto the plane. The girl that checks our carry on asks what I have, I tell her a snow globe and she says OK. We fly all the way to Detroit and I have to go through customs. Two separate guys ask me if I bought anything in Europe and I say a snow globe, no problem carry on. I grab my big suitcase and get it checked back in for the next flight. When I go through the next security check point (after my suitcase is gone), they stop me and ask if I have a snow globe. I say yes and they say it is not allowed onto the plane because it is over 3 ounces. Are you shitting me? I try to be polite with the guy and say, “but I bought this at the airport right by the gate. Why would they sell me something right at the entrance of the plane that I could not bring onto the plane?” Then this nightmare of a woman, who weighed 250 pounds in a uniform made for a person that is 200 pounds, comes up and yells at me “you need to either throw that out or check into your main luggage.” I said the luggage has already checked in and two of your customs agents let me walk on with the globe after I told each of them what I have. She said she did not care and that I need decide what to do with it as I am holding up the line. I asked how do I check it in, she said “you need to put it in a box; I don’t have a box do you?” Now she knows that I don’t have a box and I am stuck throwing this out. I used an F-bomb or two and said I guess I have to throw it out. My 2 year old thanks you for saving us all from a snow globe. I swear that I was inches from calling her the “c-word.” If it wasn’t for the fear of being taken away in cuffs, I would have fired it out because she was out of hand. My typing is giving it no justice on how awful this “lady” was.

It is good to know that our security is saving our skies from snow globes, but letting dudes in with explosives in their underwear. I am just trying to figure out what the hell a terrorist will do with a snow globe. Do they break into the cockpit and then shake it in front of the pilots eyes until he says, “Aw, isn’t it beautiful?” and then veers the plane into the ocean. Stupid.

Well, that was the summary of my trip to Europe. I always seem to learn something new every time I go. There is more that I am sure I am forgetting, but this has gotten long enough of a blog. No one is probably reading this anyways.

Random Thoughts

Cold Weather

So far it has been a pretty cold start to the winter here in the Glorious Midwest. Many mornings I am heading to work with the temperature below zero or in the single digits. Many days the high is staying in the low digits and there have already been a few below zero. I never thought I would become acclimated to this weather out here. When it reaches 20, I am actually saying things like, “Beautiful day, huh?” In Boston when it was 20, I would say insightful things like, “this blows.” There was even one day last month when the temperature went into the 30’s. I contemplated wearing shorts that day.

My favorite example of getting used to living out here was last year on the day of the NFL Conference Championship games. The Patriots were facing the Chargers in New England and the Packers were facing the Giants in Green Bay. The temperature in Wisconsin was about -5 with a wind chill in the -20’s. I talked to my buddy Matty in Massachusetts. He told me he was on the way to the game in New England. I told him that I was jealous but he complained that the game would suck. I asked why and he said he was going to end up freezing his ass off. I asked how cold it was and he told me 25 degrees. My first thought was, “25 degrees……above zero???? You pussy.” That was when I knew I had become a Midwesterner.

Quinlan

Quinlan is getting big and smart so fast it is blowing me away. He is just under 21 months old and I cannot believe he will be two in April. People tell you that it goes by fast, but I didn’t realize it would be THIS fast. He is still a little guy, but he seems to be getting taller. He hasn’t been officially measured yet, but I think he will be in the normal range for height and will be starting to catch-up on his weight.

He is not talking clearly yet, but he is talking a lot. We usually have no clue what he is saying except for a few one word statements like truck, tractor, football, ball, cat, Da-Da and Ma-Ma. A lot of time he will look at you and say a million words and say it very seriously, but we have no clue what he is trying to say. Whatever it is, he is very passionate about it.

He has two personalities, one at home and one in public. At home he is very silly and chatty. He will giggle, act goofy and talk a ton. Out in front of people, he is very reserved and quiet. Everyone thinks he is so serious, but at home we know he is a goofball. He isn’t scared of people, but it is like he is just soaking it all in rather than try to fit right in. He is like Dad in that way, if I am in an environment that I am not familiar with, I tend to be quiet. If I know a good amount of the people there, I am my typical idiot self.

He is totally addicted to trucks and tractors. When a truck drives by he will say, “Ohhhhh…..TRUCK!!!” Or he will make the “Vroom Vroom” sound. Same thing goes with tractors. His favorite toys at Christmas were the tractors we bought him. His favorite book to read at night is the truck and tractor book. He has somehow become a Wisconsin guy right before my eyes. I am scared that he is going to grow a mullet and chew Copenhagen without spitting. God, I hope he does not become a Packer fan too.

Football

It is so odd to be watching playoff football without the Patriots in it. This is a first in a long time. They got hosed in that they won 11 games, yet they miss the playoffs. I finally know what it is like to be a Packer fan. The Patriots needed Favre to win against the Dolphins in week 17 for the Patriots to get in, but of course he stunk it up. Nothing like having your post season depends on an over-rated aging QB. In the end, I do not think they would have gone far in the playoffs. They would have been matched up against the Ravens who have a great defense. While Cassel has done very well this year, he has struggled against the great defenses. I think the Ravens would have knocked them out anyways.

Now that we are in the 2nd week of the post season (as of this writing the Ravens have knocked off the Titans), I am not sure who I want to go all the way. My 1st choice would be the Steelers. I have always liked them and my boss is a fan, so there is some loyalty to the pick, but I don’t think they have a chance. I think their offense is too mediocre to be able to keep up. Their defense is great, but I have no faith in their offensive line or their QB. It seems like Big Ben is not as solid as in years past. I would hate for the Ravens to make it. Though their defense is outstanding, I can’t stand a majority of their players on defense (Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, etc.) who over celebrate every single tackle. I also don’t like the fact that Ray Lewis can help cover up a murder and that is OK.

I’m not much of a fan of the Chargers, though I don’t hate them. Something about them annoys me. Maybe it is their whiny star RB who has finally hit the wall most RB’s hit after many years in the NFL.

In the NFC, I don’t mind any of the teams. I think it would be fun to see the Cardinals go all the way because they have always stunk. Plus you have to love their WR’s who bust their ass on every play and they are not a duo of “look at me” guys (so few WR’s just shut up and play). It is also hard to root against Kurt Warner who just seems like a good guy.

Even though the Giants upset the Patriots in last year’s Super Bowl and they are a New York team, there is a part of me that would enjoy a repeat. It would help justify the Patriots loss to them in the Super Bowl because it will show that New York was a dominant team and people just didn’t realize how dominate they were in the Super Bowl last year. Yeah, that probably will not help.

I could care less about the Eagles. They do not do much for me. Their fans are kind of annoying with the way they love their QB and Head Coach one week and then want them tar and feathered in front of Independence Hall the next week. Such schizophrenic fans.

Carolina is a fun team to watch, even though Steve Smith is a bit of a whiny doosh. We’ll see who makes it and I hope the games are fun along the way. My current pick for the Super Bowl is Baltimore against Carolina.

Comedy

Some good shows last month. I had a bunch of shows in Southern Wisconsin this past month. I was in Milwaukee, Madison and Fort Atkinson. I was the feature in Milwaukee and Madison, while being a “Co-Headliner” in Fort Atkinson. All the shows were a lot of fun. Milwaukee started off odd in that the crowds were a little weird on Friday. Not bad, but just odd. They laughed, but they were not rolling. Saturday Night there was GREAT as all three (yes, three) shows rocked. I had a blast those nights. The only thing that stunk about the weekend was that it snowed most of the weekend and I was not able to head home that Saturday Night. At least I was $40 at the casino playing poker one of the days.

I was in Madison for New Year’s Eve as well as the following weekend. This is now my favorite club around. The people that own it, run it and waitress there are some of the nicest people around. They really treat you very well and are quite accommodating. I had a total of six shows that week and there was not one so-so show. They all were an absolute blast. The only negative was that I only 25 minutes most of the nights (30 minutes on two shows), so I was hurrying up through my sets. I had to throw out a lot of jokes and there was virtually no interaction with the crowds. I love the people of Madison because they come out ready to laugh.

In Madison I worked with Claude Stuart who was a very funny and cool guy to work with. We had a lot of fun hanging out some of the days as well as our night off. We had the same sense of humor for most comedians we like as well as similar tastes in movies and music (we were both addicted the 100 Greatest Rock Songs special on VH1). He is a guy I could definitely handle working with again.

The highlight of the shows in Madison is that they invited me back to be the headliner next time. I was so fired up that they did that. I am starting to headline more elsewhere, but this was a place that I wanted to crack into so I can headline at the booker’s other rooms. I was absolutely floating after hearing that. I am hoping that I can head back to Madison when the weather is warm for a change. I would be nice to hang near the lakes down there.

It was also cool to hang out with two friends down there (Dave and Keith). Thanks guys for taking the time to hang out with me that week and checking out the show!

Fort Atkinson was also a blast as I worked as a co-headliner. Basically, it is still a two person show but instead of the 1st guy doing 30 minutes and the headliner doing 45 to 60 minutes, both of us were to do 50 to 60 minutes. I volunteered to go first so I could take off after my set. The place was great. When I first walked in, I thought, “uh oh, it is a bar and there will only be 20 people.” It was packed and they were all into it (even though the BCS Football game was on). I did 55 minutes and I did not want to leave. To make it even cooler, they owner of the place got on the phone and called the booker (someone I just started working for) and told her I did a great job. Not many owners will take the time to go out of their way to praise you to a booker (no matter how good you do). I was blown away at how nice that was and I was very excited to the good word make it back to the booker. He even tipped me $15 (something that RARELY happens).

All in all, great shows the past month and a great way to start the New Year. I think there are big things ready to happen for me in comedy for 2009. By big things, I doubt it will be TV, but more headlining, more money and more recognition should be in order.

Facebook

I am still digging Facebook. What a great invention for 30+ year olds like Holly and I. Holly and I are both hooked and the majority of our friends are on it. For some reason, we do better staying in touch with people through Facebook than we do through Email or phone conversations. It is also fun to catch up with people you haven’t seen in 20 years. There are a ton of people I went to High School with on there. The funny thing is that it making me realize how little of High School I remember. People will ask to be my friends and I will have absolutely no freaking clue who they are. After a while, I will realize they were someone I regularly hung out with. I look at my graduating class and can’t remember a majority of them.

There are a lot of people that I never spoke with in High School and now we are best buds. We are all so much different now that we are grown up than we were in High School. It is fun to realize that some people you viewed as dinks are OK now. I think it is also fun to see people be surprised that I am a comedian now. Hopefully some of them will be able to see a show in April (Hanscomb Air Force Base and Manchester, NH).

For the most part, everyone that I have connected with on Facebook have been really cool. The odd thing now is that there are a bunch of co-workers who have no become my friend, so I really need to beware of what I say. How uncool would it be to be interviewing for a job and they asked, “what happened at your last job?” “Well, uh, I kind of got fired for my inappropriate updates on Facebook.”

Holly even created a "Todd Andrews Comedy" Fan Page on facebook. Now I am totally cool.

I hope everyone is doing well and I hope 2009 is a great year for you all. Take care!!!!

Quick Hits

Every time I write one of these, I always say how I need to do this more and then a month or two goes by and I don’t do a thing. I really do want to write these, but it is so hard to get the time to sit down and write something. Holly has given me the order that I need to write something today so she can send out an email campaign. I do not know exactly what I would like to talk about yet so I will be winging it (not that my other posts are well planned). So I will try to go with a format from a writer that I like. Bill Simmons, a.k.a “The Sports Guy” (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/simmons/index), periodically does a “quick hits” format where he just types out quick random thoughts. I will give it a shot. Here we go…

Patriots – How are they 5-3 going into the Bills game? I am risking typing this prior to the game, but even still I was convinced the Pats would go 8-8 without Brady. Cassell is doing just enough to help them win games. He is obviously not near as good as Brady, but he is not making major mistakes (something that can’t be said for a lot of QB’s in the league). We actually have a shot at the playoffs; it just goes to show how great of a coach Belichick is. He did not panic and go for the quick fix (Chris Sims, Culpepper, etc.) and stuck with what he knew. I am sure Cassell will be gone next year as some team is willing to trade for him and make him their team’s starter. Hopefully the Pats can get a 2nd rounder out of the deal.

DVR – I miss having DVR for my TV. It is great to be able to record whatever you want and watch it when you feel like it. How did I ever get by without this? It is also great to be able to scream through the commercials and BS talk during sporting events. Plus if I got to make a bathroom run, I can just pause it. I will never get rid of this feature. It is the most efficient way to waste my time watching TV.

50” Plasma HDTV – All I can say is SWEET!!!

Facebook – Hi, my name is Todd and I am a facebook addict. I cannot believe that I am hooked to this site. I did the MySpace thing and never truly fell in love with it. I used it to get in touch with other comics and there were a few old friends I stayed in touch with through it. But facebook has taken it to a whole other level. I have gotten in touch with a bunch of people I haven’t seen in years. There are a lot of people I have been chatting away with that I am not sure if I ever even spoke to in High School, now we are pals. It is fun to see how people have turned out. Some people don’t look different, others I would never recognize. Some have changed A LOT in a frightening way (I will not give any names). This is #2 behind DVR as the greatest invention ever. Even cooler than flight.

Gillette Stadium – I did a trade show for work that was held at Gillette Stadium last month. I never like to give details on my work online, but I will say after that week I definitely loved my job.

Entourage – Great show but it goes by too quick. Jeremy Pivons as Ari Gold is about as entertaining of a character on TV. This season is fun, but it does not seem as fun as previous seasons. Not sure why, but it is still a great show and when it ends, I always curse it for not being an hour long.

True Blood – New HBO show. Surprisingly very good. Sometimes the storyline can be a little inconsistent, but it is a fun show. On the show, Vampires exist and have existing for a long time, but now they have “come out of the coffin” and are openly living among us. There are a lot of racism parallels as people struggle to accept them into society. Very cool concept and a fun show. Very sexual and violent, typical HBO. Holly is totally hooked to the show.

Heroes – Another fun show. Holly does not like it as much as in previous years as they have gotten very dark and they are throwing out a bunch of previous storylines. I still dig the show and its borderline corniness.

The Shield – This is probably my favorite show on TV that I am hooked to. This is the final season and with three episodes left, I still do not know how they will end it. I am hooked each week and the characters are excellent. I hope more doors are opened for Michael Chiklis that does not involve the Fantastic Four. He is really good on the show, plus he is a Massachusetts alum. Can’t go wrong with that.

Election – This has been a hot topic and I fear that posting anything about it will alienate people as they have been very passionate about this election. It seems that people are either too angry that Obama got elected or too happy he did. I think the Election was between Obama and Bush. I am not a Bush fan as he spent too much, something that is not traditionally a republican trait. I worry that Obama will come in and spend either the same or more than Bush which in the end will raise taxes. I think he will spend more because he has not shown how he will cut money, but he has made promises for spending more. The latest rumor (that I hope is a rumor) is that he may look into having the government take over 401k’s and IRA’s. If this happens, I will shit. I am already a little scared saving for retirement because someday I will have a nice nest egg to live off of, and I worry that all the people that didn’t save anything will look at me and say, “Hey, look at all the money he has. He doesn’t need that match; he should share some of that with us.” I hope this never happens, but I fear that it will. I am of the strong view that we need less government in our lives and more personal responsibility.

Sick neighbor – I just found out that a guy right around the corner from me got arrested for downloading underage movies. He and his 17 year old son were both busted. Here is the article:

http://www.riverfallsjournal.com/articles/index.cfm?id=89468&section=News

I am so blown away right now. When I first read it, I thought I was going to have to put my house on the market. But then I reminded myself that he will be in jail for a while and even if he wasn’t, he will not be allowed to live in that house because our backyards butt up against an elementary school. No way is he allowed to live that close. I can’t believe there are people in this world that dig that crap and that they live so close to me.

I am sure this more that I would like to write in general, but I am drawing a blank and I have the beginning of the Pats game on pause (thank you DVR) to write this. I hope everyone is well. I was going to head back to Boston in the 1st weekend of December, but that will probably not happen. I will be back in April though as I have a show for the troops at Hanscomb Air Force base. Nice!

Montreal and HDTV

As usual, I talk about how much I want to write more blogs, yet weeks go by and I don’t do it. I really wish that I did this more and I usually have the best of intentions in doing it, but it is combination of lack of time and laziness (to be perfectly honest). Work lately has been very busy and when I do have some time, I just don’t have the mental energy to sit down and write (but really, do I ever really have mental energy?).

Montreal
There has been a lot going on, but it is so hard to capture it all the moment I sit down and decide to start writing. As I start to write this blog, I am sitting on a plane from Montreal back to Minneapolis/St. Paul. I just finished a week in whacky Canada, ay. It is so weird to be back to Montreal. I had been there twice before. The first time I went was in February of 1990 when I was less than a month shy of my 16th birthday. What a crazy place to go at that age. A bunch of other high schoolers in my class (we were all Juniors) went on a “ski trip” there. We did ski, but we also drank a ton as well as went into a bunch of strip clubs. While I currently believe that strip clubs are a waste of money and only good for unintentional comedy (especially the one in Hager City, WI), at the age of 15/16, they are a gift from God. I was so blown away to be able to see grown women get totally naked and dance for me, even though I was wearing braces and obviously under the age of 18. Even though I was mostly with people I did not hang out with regularly in high school, we were all friends in Canada. One of the guys even got a gun pulled on him late night on St. Catherine street (fortunately, the drunk lady holding it had no bullets in it as she kept pulling the trigger only to hear “click click”).

The 2nd time I went to Montreal was for my buddy’s Jay’s bachelor party in July of 2002. As I recall, it was a pretty good time. We drank, but we never got totally insane or out of hand. We did go to a lot of strip clubs and some of them were creepy. I am not sure we were always having fun in them as there was always a debate on which club we should be in. We seemed to have more fun when we were out and about just drinking as opposed to sitting still in a strip club and paying for $7 beers.

The funny thing about being there twice and returning back was that nothing seemed familiar to me at all. Even though I was staying right by Saint Catherine Street and I was on the street at some point virtually every day, barely anything seemed familiar. It was odd, I thought a bunch of memories would come crashing back to me, but it didn’t. I guess I drank more than I thought last time I was there.

I did have one memory come back to me that I had not thought of since 2002 came to me when I went to dinner my first night (Monday). Our Canadian sales rep took me to a restaurant on Crescent Street. While sitting on an outdoor patio of the restaurant on the 2nd floor, I all of sudden realized the street was familiar. Then it came crashing back to me. In 2002, we ate at a place a few doors down (on a 2nd floor outdoor patio as well) and I started yelling at girls across the street that we on a balcony on the 4th floor of a hotel. They were partying a bit and seeming to have a good time. I started to interact with them from across the street, and then it turned into me demanding that they show their boobs. Yes, I was a classy guy when I was 28 and drunk. A bunch of them ended up doing it and we actually had an entourage of people collecting around us to see it go on. It was fun because none of us had any intention of trying to hook up with any of the girls (all of us were taken at the time), we just wanted to see their boobs and there was no other commitment from either party.

This time in Montreal was a lot less tame. I never had more than two glasses of wine, I never went to a strip club and I was in my room every night by 8:30. The highlight of the week was going to the casino to play poker. It was a weird set-up; it was a combo of live and online poker. You sit at a table and each player has a monitor in front of them. You can see what cards you have and place your bets on it. ON the middle of the table is a larger monitor that everyone can see what the community cards are and what people are betting. I played 10 hands of $1-$2 No Limit and one won hand worth $148. Take away the $3 for blinds and $7 to see the flop in another hand and I profited $138 in 15 minutes (Canadian Money). By the time the big blind made it back to me, I withdrew my money and took off. I couldn’t have been happier.

Quebec is weird because they all speak French. I seriously thought I was in France (minus the neat landscape and good food). It felt like I was in another world and instantly felt guilty every time someone said “Bonjour” and I replied “Hello.” I have no clue why I would feel that way, maybe I just assume I did something rude when I was there before and they remember me.

HDTV
I made a purchase a few weeks ago that I have been thinking about for quite some time. I finally made the leap to buying a plasma TV and upgrading my service to HD. To be honest, I don’t know why I waited so long to get it because I absolutely love it. Sports are so much cooler in HD and even regular shows are pretty sweet. I got a 50” Samsung that was highly rated by Consumer Reports that is 1080p capable. I know that I don’t have the use yet for 1080p, but someday when I get a Playstation 3, it will come in handy. I also bought a new stand (ouch these are expensive) that allows me more room for the auxiliary equipment as well as mounts the TV up in the air a bit so it is easier to see. Add in an unconverting DVD player for $20 and I am living large.

Of course, I have the NFL package from DirecTV. I was all fired up to watch the Patriots all year in HD, but now that Brady is knocked out for the season, it doesn’t have the same ring to it. But I love watching football no matter what team is on, so it is still a winning situation. It will also be cool to watch Red Sox playoff games in HD soon. Hard to imagine they will win it again this year, but it would be pretty nice.

Comedy, Bar Mitzvah & Football....What a Combination?

Comedy
I finally got to have some shows locally. I got booked last weekend at the Joke Joint outside of the Mall of America in Bloomington, MN as the headliner. Shows went from Thursday night to Saturday night with two shows on Saturday night. I also got a show Sunday night in Excelsior, MN off of Lake Minnetonka and a Bar Mitzvah before the Saturday shows. More on that later.

The Joke Joint was a lot of fun, as expected. It is a wonderful club that really took the next step when they remodeled to create more space and symmetry to the club. It is run Ken and Becky Reed who are super nice people and very accommodating. The Feature act was Amber Preston who I have known since shortly after I moved out here. She is a very funny, original comic who has really improved a ton since I last saw her (not that she was no good before, she has become very good now). We also had some guest spots throughout the weekend and rotating hosts who were brand spanking new. The hosts were very nice, but also very green. New comics typically seem a bit scared on stage, and they were no exception to the rule. But both had a good basis of material and if they keep getting up on stage, they will be fine.

The toughest show was probably the Thursday Night show. I felt sick as a dog that night. For some reason, I had a 24 hour bug that I could not shake until the next day. I was miserable at work all day, but since I was so busy I could not take the day off so I had to brave through it and then head to the show. You could tell that the crowd was a little tired or just not in the mood because they really did not give the other comics much of a chance. It didn’t help that the crowd was small (about 20 people), but that is expected with summer shows on a weeknight. Even though I felt sick as heck and they were a timid crowd, the set went OK. It was far from great, but it wasn’t bad. I would have liked it to have been a better set, but I can’t complain too much considering the circumstances. I think overall, the smaller crowd had fun but I expect more from myself. I was worrying after the show that Ken was thinking, “Why did I let him headline?” Fortunately the other nights were better.

Friday was a fun night. A lot of my co-workers at my day job came out to see me which was great to see. There were even some co-workers who I thought would never come to show of mine there. Friday was also fun because Holly came out with a couple of her friends. All the comics did a fine job getting the show going with Amber just rocking. She really had a wonderful set. I came up and the crowd was all warmed up and ready to go. It was a blast because they had a lot of energy and I was just able to feed off of it. I may have come up with a little too much energy because the sound apparently had to be turned down and it messed me up because I thought the mike went out. There was a bachelorette party sitting up front in the middle of the room and they got a little nutty (like all bachelorette parties do). Typically, when comics see a bachelorette party, they think “Oh shit, they are going to screw up the show by being obnoxious.” A lot of times, they do. This one was on the fence. I was able to get some interaction with them that was funny. I even had one of the girls yell out 15 minutes in “Are you married?” which was odd because I had spoken about my wife often during the first 15 minutes. The only one that just got a bit old was the bride’s aunt. She would not shut the hell up. She was not heckling, but she thought she could be a part of the show. Even when you put her in her place, she thought it was fun and the crowd loves to see the comic put down some 55 year old over-tanned women who stinks of cigarettes. Besides the old woman occasionally barking out nonsense, it was a really funny set and it was cool to have co-workers and Holly’s friends there to see it. It is always fun to have people look at you after the show with a bit of surprise at how funny you can be. I think a lot of them get used to seeing me in a work environment and don’t know that I am capable to turn it on for a show. I wish I got to hang out more with people after the show, but we try and sell T-shirts and crowd members come and talk to us after the show. By the time people started to leave us alone, Holly’s friends were ready to leave and a bunch of the co-workers had taken off.

Saturday’s shows at the Joke Joint were a lot of fun as well. There were a fair amount of people I knew in the crowd for the early show as well, but not as much as Friday night’s. The early show was a lot of fun and I was very pleased with the performance. The later show was a harder crowd. They seemed to be on and off for the other comics and it was similar for me. They seemed to love me one second, then the next just OK. I am used to late shows being a bit more rowdy as they are typically drunker, but this one was a bit tepid. After the show, a couple of us hung in the bar and that was pretty fun. Overall, the weekend at the Joke Joint was great and a lot of fun and I can’t wait to go back. I have already had people who could not make it ask me when I am there next. Hopefully sometime in the winter I can be back to headline again.

Bar Mitzvah
The interesting show of the weekend was the Bar Mitzvah I was hired for before the shows on Saturday. It was booked through Ken at the Joke Joint and it involved Amber and me. She was to do 10 minutes and I was to do 20 minutes. We were going to be pressed for time as the show was supposed to start at 6:30 to 6:45 and the show at the Joke Joint (30 minutes away) started at 7:30. I showed up at the Bar Mitzvah at 6:00 and it was empty except for the mother and a few stragglers. As people were coming in, the “man of honor” was outside with his friends and brother smashing cans of soda on the ground near the entry way. He was also dressed in a T-shirt and crappy pants and sneakers. I was under the impression that Bar Mitzvahs were a pretty big deal, but this kid did not dress the part. Not even khaki’s and a polo shirt. Eventually people came in just in enough time for the show. People really did not have a chance to be situated or have a drink or two (for the adults) before the show started.

I knew it was going to be a tough start when they introduced Amber as the “warm up” act to the comic. Ouch, what a brutal intro to give her. It completely minimizes her ability and gives the audience and out to not give her a chance. Amber did fine and fought through it even though the “man of honors” table was talking throughout her set. She eventually wrapped up her set and took off for the Joke Joint.

My set was OK. It was not near as bad as it could have been but it was not an “A” show either but it was decent. Once you realize that you need to ignore the kids at the front table and concentrate on the adults it was fine and they were willing to laugh. The kids at the front table though, oh my GOD! They gave me a great example of how I don’t want Quinlan to act when he is older. Not all the kids were bad; it was actually just 3 of the boys, including the “man of honor” who acted up. The one that the party was for would like to brag during the show that he likes to “blow things up” and hopes to continue to do that when he grows up. He made it a point to say this a few times during my set and Amber’s. There was also a smaller kid (may have been his brother) who would start talking out loud about stuff that made no sense. In the end, it was a fun time except for the kids. I can’t believe that I have a Bar Mitzvah on my comedy resume now. Big things are ahead, I am hoping to make perform at a Baptism in the near future. Maybe even a funeral.

Football
Football is right around the corner. It is hard to believe. I am both excited and sad because I love football but it also means that summer is almost over. Football feels even closer than normal because we had our draft in the Waltham Goofs league this past Wednesday night. This is a keeper league that is entering its 11th year that I have run the whole time. Since the first year, we have had all the same people in the league. Unfortunately, we lost of them this year. My friend Jay bailed on the league last minute because we were going to implement two more people into the league. We ended up going back to an 8 team league after his quitting and replaced Jay with another guy named Jay so it is easy to keep track of. There are rumors that another guy will leave at the end of the year, so we may be looking for more players and that may be the reason to go to ten people. It is a shame to see one of the original guys leave the league because this has been my link to the college buddies back east since I moved to WI. If I had to choose one of the guys to leave, it definitely would not have been Jay. Such is the life of grown up men who play make-believe football games.

I kind of dig my team after the draft. I kept Adrian Peterson, Tony Romo and Calvin Johnson (I took Calvin over Brandon Jacobs, Laurence Maroney and Greg Jennings). Here is my final roster to start the season:

QB – Tony Romo

QB – Matt Hasselbeck

RB – Adrian Peterson

RB – Joseph Addai

RB – Larry Johnson

RB – Brandon Jacobs

RB – Chris Johnson

WR – Torry Holt

WR – Chad Johnson

WR – Calvin Johnson

WR – Donald Driver

TE – Chris Cooley

TE – Vernon Davis

Kicker – Shayne Graham

Kicker – Phil Dawson

Defense – Green Bay Packers

Defense – New York Giants

Considering it is an 8 team league where we can keep three players (with some rules on keepers), I think it is a pretty nice team. I had the #2 pick where I had the choice of Brian Westbrook and Joseph Addai. I could not decide and I was leaning towards Wetsbrook. I ended up making a deal that would allow me to move from the 3rd round to the 2nd round if I went back to the #3 pick. I made it and ended up with Larry Johnson in the 2nd. So my trade essentially made it so I traded Brian Westbrook for Joseph Addai and Larry Johnson. Seems like a favorable deal although Larry Johnson is a one man show in KC for better or for worse. In the end, it is just a guessing game who has the best team.

Summer Update

Comedy

Two weeks ago, I traveled the furthest west for comedy than I ever have. I performed on Tuesday night in Dickinson, ND; Wednesday night in Williston, ND; Thursday night in Bismarck, ND and finished off Friday in Saint Cloud, MN. A lot of comics do the road thing and drive a lot; since I do it part time I don’t drive as far and as often as some of the other guys. I had never been in the car for 8 hours to get to a show before. That is what I did in order to get to Dickinson, ND on Tuesday. I ended up burning 3 days of vacation (I had summer hours on that Friday) in order to make the run.

I had never done the run before because the pay was not worth it to do it as a Feature but I recently started asking the booker to headline me and they agreed to “co-headline” me for this run. Co-headline pretty much means that there are two headliners and we alternate which nights we go last. I ended up headlining Dickinson (the first night) and Saint Cloud (the last night). The most fortunate thing about the trip was that I did with a guy who was a good guy and easy to talk to in the car. I worked with a comic from Ohio names Steve Sabo. Quality guy and quality comic. He has been headlining for several years and I was a little worried that the other guy would get pissy if he had to go first, but Steve did not mind at all and he was very helpful. If I hadn’t driven with him and I was by myself, I think I would have pulled over and some point, put the car in neutral on a hill and lay my head behind the tire. That is a boring drive. There is practically nothing in North Dakota. The only cool thing was driving through the Theodore Roosevelt National Park between Dickinson and Williston. That was beautiful and it was like a mini-Grand Canyon. I wish we pulled over for a bit and checked it out. We ended up just driving through. Besides that though, there is nothing to see. It is farm after farm after farm. There are barely any other cars on the road. I just don’t get how people can live there all year round, especially in the winter where it is colder than it is in Minnesota.

The first night was Dickinson. I headlined it and I was nervous because typically the first night is a night that I might shake out some of the cobwebs, especially in a state that is not Minnesota or Wisconsin. So much of my act is geared around MN/WI, that sometimes I forget how to tell it in another state and the first show can consist of me playing around with my act trying to figure out the right way to tweak. After that I am usually cool. The show was in a hotel bar and there was no stage. We were basically in the corner with a microphone right by the pool tables (fortunately, no one was playing at the time). The crowd was packed but very talkative and drunk. Yes, it was Tuesday and they were drunk. Where else in the world do people get smashed on a Tuesday Night? It was still pretty fun and we both did well, but it felt like it could have been better.

The next night we went to Williston. Williston is only like 30 miles from the Montana border. Are you kidding me? You know it is bad when we stop at a convenience store and Steve asks the girl behind the counter if they have the USA Today and they never heard of it. Apparently North Dakota is no longer in the US. Who’d have thunk it? Williston was another place filled with people getting smashed. Yep, they get smashed on Wednesday nights, too. Stay classy, North Dakota. It was a weird set-up in that there was a stripper pole at the very edge of the stage. The crowd liked to participate, not heckle, but they were fun and we had a good time with some ad-libs. The staff and owner were super nice and the people in the place were very nice as well, even though there were a ton of people who I could not shake after the show. The people who are smashed and can’t stop talking to you. Usually they have a joke for you to “tell in your act” or they give me advice. In the end, they mean well and are nice, so I try to bear with it as long as I can.

Steve made an almost fatal error that night. While on stage, he asked for a shot on stage which personally I think is a kiss of death in Williston. It almost was the death of him as someone sent up a cup of Jagermeister. Not a shot, an 8+ ounce cup of Jager. OUCH!!!! I like Jager, but I would never take a cup of it. Steve drank it at the end of his set and I have to give him credit, he stayed vertical. I thought I would be baby-sitting him the rest of the night, but he did OK. He was smashed and blacked out, but he was not out of control, which was nice.

Probably the most interesting thing that happened up there was that I ran into a former co-worker from my current job. I was standing there and a guy came up and said, “Remember me?” I didn’t and I usually get a little nervous around this time. I am scared that the next sentence will begin with, “Last time I saw you, you were so trashed……” Fortunately, it wasn’t that and he said we used to work together. I ended up remembering him. I didn’t know him well at my job, but I still thought it was neat that I ran into someone in the middle of nowhere (where USA Today does not exist).

The next night was in Bismarck which is the Capital of North Dakota, which is really not something to brag about. The show that night was fun despite it being a very small crowd (about 20 people). There was some fun interaction with the crowd. There was actually an Iraqi guy in the crowd who works at the airport. Only in North Dakota. Steve wanted to get together with a girl after the show, so we went with her and some of her old friends at some local bar. I don’t think I have ever been a bar with more dooshbags than this place. It seemed like every guy either had a hat on backwards, hat on crooked, hat with the flat brim or sunglasses on. Every guy in the place was embarrassingly trashy. They all also were wearing shirts that were too tight. I will give the retards credit; they did not break out into a fight (which I thought was inevitable).

The final night was in Saint Cloud which was fun as it always is. I should have stayed there because there were two friends who I could have hung out with. I kind of felt bad that I didn’t, but at this point I was dying to be home and see my little buddy in the morning.

The following week (this past one), I worked one night with Richie Holliday and Andy Woodhull at the Carver County Fair. It was a very tough set-up in that it was in a huge shed where more than half the people are there to drink and wait for the country band to go up after us. There was a ton of noise in the shed from people talking in the back and with the sides open, you could hear all the noise from the rest of the fair. The sound system was not the best either and add in the fact that there were some little kids in the area, it made for a tough time to perform. In the end, it ended up being a lot of fun and I was glad that I did it. Plus it was fun to drive with the guys and talk a little shop.

Quinlan

Quinlan is getting bigger and faster by the day. He can run around very fast now and when we are out and about, he needs to be in your eye site at all times or he is gone. When he is walking outside though, do not try and pick him up or steer him in a particular direction because he is so focused on where he is going, he does not want to be stopped. His bottom two teeth still have not come in, so he is insanely cute when he smiles. He is not talking still, but he babbles a ton and makes a lot of funny sounds. He has even become a great dancer. If you want to get a good laugh check out his dance moves in this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyFrU673Hvc

He just started doing this out of nowhere when I was trying to study and it was hysterical. Fortunately, he was willing to do it long enough for us to record. I can’t wait to be able to share this with him when he gets older.

He got to walk around the Pierce County Fair twice this weekend, Thursday Night and Sunday Afternoon. Both days, he could only handle being in the carriage or our arms for about 30 minutes, then he had to run around. He ran all over the place and almost trip up a bunch of crapper busting fatties. The fair brings out some of the largest, trashiest people I have ever seen. It is also a great place for teenagers to sneak cigarettes apparently.






























Manny

Good riddance to this clown. The Red Sox traded him last month along with some cash and two younger players (Hansen and Moss) for Jason Bay. I think Bay is a fine player and should fit in well with the Sox, but what a way for Manny to go out. He fakes an injury and then trashes the Red Sox the week of the trading deadline creating his trade value to plummet because everyone knew the Sox HAD to get rid of him. This retard says that the Red Sox did not treat him fairly. He has made over $150 million dollars from the Sox and he is mistreated???? I wish I could be punished by the Red Sox, I hate having it so easy.

I defended him over the years, now I root for him to get kidnapped and raped on a vacation in Ecuador. Screw him and I hope he tears an ACL. God, I hate these players who piss and moan and act like overgrown babies. At least I got the Patriots to look forward to. I got my subscription to the Sunday Ticket and I plan on watching all the games (well except for the ones that interfere with the niece’s birthday parties because they are always held on Sunday afternoons).

The Patriots will be back to the Big Game. You heard it here first.


Wedding in St. Paul

I was stuck going to Holly's cousin's wedding. It was cool that it was at the Science Museum in St. Paul, but I hate going there where I don't know many people. Hey, but we looked good though!

Dark Knight

I got to see The Dark Knight on opening weekend. What a fun, solid movie. Heath Ledger lived up to all the hype and blew me away (no pun intended to Mr. Brokeback Mountain). He easily outdid Nicholson and should get nominated for the Oscar. He will probably win it due, in part, to his untimely death. I look forward to seeing it again because I think I missed some things and I am sure I will appreciate the movie more. The only criticism I have is that it was a little long and it is dumb when Batman/Bruce Wayne talks to Morgan Freeman’s character with the Batman voice when he is dressed up as Batman. He knows he is Batman, why do the dumb voice? I wish Freeman’s character would yell at him and tell him to knock that shit off.

I know there is more to share, but I keep forgetting what I want to talk about. I need to do this more regularly, but I keep forgetting or I get too lazy. I’ll see what I can do as the year goes on.

By the way, Jay Cormier sucks.

Company Picnic, Batman & North Dakota

Company Picnic

Today was a pretty fun day with Quinlan. We had our company picnic today in the cities. It is pretty exciting to be able to show off the little guy while also seeing everyone else’s children. They day was perfect for me because it was overcast and in the upper 70’s. Does it get any better for the Irish?

After his morning nap, we threw him into the car seat and headed. At first we kept him in his stroller as we knew once he touched the ground with his feet, he would be all over the place. He stayed in his stroller great because he is typically hesitant (at first) with people he does not know. At some point on of us (me) decided to take him out because I saw another co-worker’s one year old walking around like a good boy. The minute Quinlan stood, he was off. He borderline runs when he is on the ground, as if he is thinking it might not last and he better make a run for it before the evil tall people he lives with pick him up for some reason.

He went on the play ground and loved it. After playing on that for a bit, he was content just running around all over the place and fussing whenever one of us picked him up. He had a ball when he was walking, but he was miserable when we had him. He is learning that magic ability kids get when their whole body goes limp and they arch their back in a way that only skilled parents can hold. Fortunately, I think I have made it to skilled parent because I haven’t dropped him………….yet.

They did have one those big blow-up obstacle courses. We were allowed to go into the back and bounce around while everyone ate. We had to do something while Mommy ate. We made a deal that one of us would eat while the other watched Quinlan. I had forgotten that Holly eats like a mule and let her go first. I have never seen anyone eat as slow as Holly. She eats like she is on Death Row and she is getting her last meal while the guard is waiting to walk her to the chair. He LOVED the blow-up course though. I placed him on the ground of it and then just bounced around near him. He giggled like crazy as he kept trying to stand up but falling over because of the bouncing. Eventually though, some kid had to come down the slide so we had to get off the toy. Quinlan was not happy. Fortunately we got some snackies while Holly continued her marathon chewing session.

Later on we got to go through the whole obstacle course. I carried him through it. He could not get enough of it. He giggles the while way. He especially loved it when I had to climb the slide which is not easy to do while carrying a kid in one hand. He giggled the whole way up; personally I think it was because I think he thought it was hilarious to listen to his Dad pant like a 400 pound person in McDonald’s line. He giggled all the way through until the end when we had to get off. Then he got grumpy. I had to do it again shortly after. Of course he loved it; of course I almost died because I am 34 year old who is out of shape. It is frustrating to watch those 8 year olds run through it over and over and I can barely do it once. It made me want to push one of them to the ground.

Overall, he had a fun time. There were grumpy moments, but he was a good boy as usual. He even got to have some of a strawberry popsicle (he rarely gets sugar). He loved it and he looked like the Joker when it was done. We eventually got him home for his afternoon nap and we played after for while. He is getting to be a ton of fun to play with. I swear he gets cuter by the day!

Batman

The geek in me may get to come out in me on Sunday as I try and see the new Batman movie “The Dark Knight.” I have been waiting for this for over 6 months. I am fired up for it and I hear it is great. I want to see it in the first weekend and the matinee is my only chance. My mother is going to watch him and we will try to catch the 12:00 show. Hopefully he is not too tired in the afternoon for her.

I think it is pathetic how excited I am for this movie. What grown man digs comic book movies so much? I know some day Quinlan will look me in the eye and say, “Dad, you are the biggest retard.” I hope he digs movies when he is older. I love going to them and it will be fun to bring him to the Disney movies.

They say Heath Ledger is great in this one as the Joker. I have not been much of fan of his, and it has nothing to do with Brokeback because I never saw it. I don’t know what it is about him, but I was never impressed. But everything about him in the previews seems good. When I first heard they cast him, I rolled my eyes but it sounds like they nailed it. Too bad for him it was his last movie.

North Dakota

I have the distinct pleasure of driving to the furthest reaches of North Dakota in a week and a half. I will be performing in Dickinson, ND (Tuesday Night), Williston, ND (Wed and it is in the corner of Montana and Canada), then Bismarck, ND on Thursday followed by Saint Cloud, MN on Friday. I have avoided doing the Dickinson show forever. But I recently asked the booker to headline me and they agreed to, if I started off out there as a “co-headliner.” You have to break in somewhere, right? Hopefully the guy I am working with is an OK guy because there will be a LOT of hours in the car. I have been stuck with the “idiot comic” before for long drives and that was torture. But I think I have heard that he is an OK guy.

You know you have made it as a comic when you have made it to Williston, ND.